So, 2016 is here. I have launched my Patreon successfully, finally… After a lot of hemming and hawing about it, I just went and pulled the trigger. I am still not caught up, but I am working every day and have been as of late to get caught up. Routine is starting to set in with all of that, and as it has been I have been getting more into writing for longer and longer. I wish it had set in a few months ago, but the time from October to the New Year is always incredibly hectic for me. Couple that with con crud, a big life change, and some various other things… Yeah, I am hanging on by the skin of my teeth right now, and I know it. There isn’t much else for me to say though with all of that without going into detail, but I can say that I am still doing the writing thing, and that looks to be stablizing out to be what I am doing for the forseeable future.
So… Big life change is that Res and I are seperated. For good. He and I got into it at MFF because he spent the entire con just gone with his friends… Literally gone too, not kind of. I kept telling him that I wanted to talk about the whole thing when we got home, but apparently he just wanted to end it there. 2 years… Just gone. Over no reason too. He just ended it, and I still haven’t even gotten a reason why from him yet as to what transpired that made him end things. I wish that I had that closure, but seeing how he has been since and the fact that he said a few things after which… Yeah, I know we won’t be getting back together. It is still tearing me up inside, and I know I won’t be okay with it all probably ever. It was just so sudden, so abrupt, and at the end of the day so selfish that I don’t even know how to begin processing it all. I know I have to move forward though, and I have been. I mean, Kita and I have been pretty much awesome since that all happened. Compared to how we were before, he and I have been amazing by those standards. We still bicker, he is still obsessed with his friends more than me, and he is still… Childish. But, he is trying, and I am too… We are both trying to treat us more like a relationship than we had been before, and that has been working wonders for how both of us have been doing. I wish Res had done the same over what he did… But… I don’t know. I guess it just needed to end, and now that it is over Kita and I will be a thing going forward.
Family stuff over the holidays was interesting. My step siblings got into trouble again… And heh, well, I can officially say that I am not the black sheep as far as my dad is concerned anymore. I even got invited to a thing with my mom’s side of the family as well, and that shocked me too. I don’t even know where to begin with it all, but… It is kind of weird to have somewhat of that part of my life back again. I don’t want to say that it is fully back, because it never will be, but to be speaking to people I haven’t for years, and to suddenly not be the issue with the family is a new thing for me. I haven’t had that in about a decade, or more to be honest, and it just off to me. I am waiting for someone to remember ‘Oh wait he’s GAY!’ or something, and frankly it doesn’t seem to be happening. My mom was legitimately upset to hear about me and Res, in fact she almost cried. My mom, the same person who disowned and tried to kill me when I came out, got upset about my now-ex boyfriend. What. The. Fuck. I was so confused by it that I didn’t know how to respond. I wanted to tell her that it was fine, but I was just so confused. So yeah, that happened… And then the stuff with my step siblings made my dad rant at me like he never has before. Not about me either; I did nothing wrong, and in fact he offered help without asking or anything, just offered right away because he wants to make sure that I am okay because he knows I am the responsible one now. I just… Yeah, I am pretty darn floored by it all, and I won’t stop being so for a good long while.
Past that… Not much to say. I’ve been sick since MFF on and off, just kind of that lingering cold that I get for this time of year. I did the New Years Furry Ball thing again, and that was just as fun as it always is. I love getting to see my friends, and spending time with them as we always did was really nice… I even let loose and got fairly drunk, which isn’t a common thing with me anymore by any stretch of the imagination. I dunno… I am getting back to being me again with all of this writing and being able to just be me again. Finally, after months of just trying to figure out who me is… I found it, and now I am trying to get back to it. I missed me. This has let me go back to it, and embrace who I am again… And well, I kind of needed that in a huge way. Kita can see it, and has told me a couple times as such. In fact, most everyone I know has been saying as much that they are seeing the old me again, not who I was when I got into working my ass of like I had been for those few years. I just… Heh, I missed the old me. I am getting it back too, and with it is coming the drive I need to really make my life go forward. No more spinning the wheels or just procrastinating or sitting around. I am getting things done, making improvements, trying to be better… Hell, I am even trying to gain again. I gave that up too, even after I stopped working in fact. I was just done with it, and sunk into… Well, I can only say I have been battling depression badly since I stopped work. I am getting to the other side of it all though, and light at the end of the tunnel is making itself known. I want to stick to it all though, and as such that means I keep creating. That is a part of me that I will never lose, and I don’t want to. I want to create. I want to just make things again and forever… That is a big part of me.
So yeah. Self discovery, my family treating me like I belong for the first time in ages, and Res leaving me for… Himself really. That’s been my last couple months. I think I’m just gonna keep finding myself, and writing. I need to keep writing, and to that order I am working on a goal for this year. I want no queue by the end of this year, and I want a book on amazon. Two goals that are very attainable, and as such things that I want to do. I just want to feel that I am taking that step towards becoming an author, instead of simply a furry writer. I want that step done… And I want it bad. I want it more than anything to be honest, to just create for my living instead of making things for someone else that were designed by another someone else and whatnot. I don’t like that… It’s stifling, and I can say that now that I have had a few months to really just get my head right and get myself back onto my feet. So yeah… Plodding on forward, one day at a time, all that jazz. That is what I am planning to do from here on. No more worrying about what happened or will… I can’t keep doing that to myself. So, here’s to 2016, the year of hopefully me just realizing my dream and getting goals accomplished. So ciao for now, more later.