Goings On

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So… Stuff has been happening in my life as of late. I just got back from two weeks of two cons, a lot of travelling, handling drama, and all of that. I discovered a couple bridges I was burning all on my own, and had many a bridge burned with me over that period of time. I did what I could to put out the fires being caused by me, but most of those being burned towards me… No one seemed to care about that. I dunno what it is now, but the fandom just seems to be becoming more toxic and fake with every passing run-in I have it on a large scale. I don’t like watching the thing which I have loved for well over a decade change all around me, and it is just bothering me more than I can say. I mean, I have had friends for years who are just shifting away and whatnot to follow the fake parts of the fandom. Dancing and drinking and basically just saying what you want because it’s furry… That has been happening in droves, and it is really starting to make me wonder just what I am doing in this fandom. I mean, I will always be a furry; I can’t not be at this point in my life. Will I be as involved as I have been though? Probably not… And that makes me sad to say since it is just such a part of me. I am stepping back for sure after these last couple weeks though, as I can’t handle all of it. I have made that clear, as I have been off my game here for the last couple weeks thanks to seeing all of this and not really knowing how to handle it other than being upset and kind of irritable. I dunno… Just not something that I like watching happen to a part of me that I hold so near and dear. I wish it could reverse course and change back, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon. So here is where we are with it, and I don’t know how to feel going forward. Make better friends and tough it out, or just knuckle down and kind of go back to being the recluse I was years ago?

Fandom bullshit aside, things at home have been good. Kita and I continue to be fine, we are looking at moving to somewhere bigger and closer to both Kita and Res’ jobs, and… Yeah, really nothing new or crazy to say about how things have been going. I would toss in stuff, but there is really nothing to say. Reality here at the house has been very much the same as always, and even been a bit better than usual. I mean, me and Kita have been getting more intimate as of late… He is still rushing a little, but I am trying to get there with him. Getting over years of that mental block is a lot harder than it seems, and I am doing the best that I can. I know he is being patient, but… I dunno, it’s just kind of one of those things that I need to take at my own pace. I am trying to, but it isn’t easy, and aside from a couple others who know what I am talking about in depth, it’s a lot harder than it sounds to maintain interest there and not just do something I would regret. Same is true with drinking… Heh, that I have been working on maintaining what progress I have made the last couple years, and that I need to shore up. I can feel old habits reforming at cons and whatnot, and I need to stop that. Just bad habits, those are all that is really the issue at home. Past that, Kita and I are great and whatnot, things are going well on most other fronts aside from watching the fandom turn into a giant popularity contest. So yeah, home life has been alright.

Writing… Ugh, I need to get back on that treadmill in a big way. I miss creating, and I need to get back at it. Two weeks straight of travel and whatnot has really screwed me, and definitely cost me a customer or two because of me finishing things weeks prior and not getting a chance to upload them. I don’t like pulling back the curtain or making excuses for stuff, but… I have been either gone, busy, or both for the better part of three weeks now. Before that, TFF kept me busy a whole bunch as well. I know I could do better, sure, but I was doing what I could for where I was at during that time and getting done as much as I could. I want to get back on the horse though, hence writing here and then planning to wrap up a couple unfinished stories and basically spam FA and whatnot for a few hours. I want to do that, and I want to get back into it. I have some stories too I want to write, as well as people I want to commission me… Ugh, I want to just write again. I have nothing stopping me but myself and whatnot though, so I need to get past those few mental roadblocks and just get my fingers slamming away on the keyboard. Who knows, maybe I will actually get some real work done here soon? I dunno… I want to get my wordcount per month back over 1k words per day again. I felt GOOD that month, and I want that feeling again… Ugh, just gotta get to doing it.

Alright, not much else to say here. Just stepping back from furry, home life is good, and writing needs to happen. Nothing else to say really other than that.,.. Hell, even gaming is starting to get bland again, and that is something that only happens when I know writing needs to happen in a big way. So, that is a thing too. But either way, I plan on getting a lot out today or tomorrow. So… Yeah… Ugh, just ugh. Ciao for now, more later.

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