Back At It

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So… I’m back. I spent 3 weeks in Texas visiting friends and whatnot, just getting out of the house and really disconnecting from everything around here to kind of have a good time, and a different one at that. It kept me busy, so no real work was able to get done there… A regret I have, but I will get to that in a bit. I mean, it was fun down there. I liked being around people, and getting to know friends better than I ever could have in the limited time of a con. I spent more than I should have, so now I am hurting for money… Dunno how long the writing will be able to sustain itself with the finances as they are, but I will try and hold on for as long as I can, both with Kita cheering me on and with support from those that care about me. I dunno though… Yeah, the vacation was fun, but I just kind of had my crisis of confidence there more than once. It felt like I was the odd one out, and really that was because I don’t know everyone down there as well as they know eachother, and none of them really know me either. Not a fault on one or the other, but… I dunno, it kind of made things a little awkward and stressful for me at times just to be around people that I don’t know super well. I still had fun, and I am really grateful for the chance to be there and spend time with friends, but it was something new for me… And at this point in my life, new can be scary.

Anyways, writing… Ugh, I am behind. I know I am behind and I am trying not to be behind but at this point, I don’t know what I can do to catch up aside from disconnect the damn internet itself and just sit down and force myself to write. I know I need to do that too, as I have people that have paid for work that I still haven’t done, but… I just can’t. I’ve been struggling with writing for the last couple months, and I know I always do in the summer because of the heat and whatnot. I don’t know what to do to fix that, but I do want to fix it in a big way… I mean, it has to be fixed since that is what I do for work, and lying to people about what I have done just doesn’t feel right to me. I need to get caught up this coming week in a big way, so I need to really just force myself to work. Hell, I am forcing myself to do so right now, as my shoulder is screaming at me and my hands aren’t wanting to cooperate. I know that it is bad for me to be doing this, but… Fuck, I need to be abble to at least do something in order to get some work out. Forcing myself like this is better than stagnating any further, and I will get stuff out. I have to.

Past the writing woes and being gone for a few weeks… Not much else to say. Kita and I are doing well, actually to be honest we are doing a lot better since I got back. He cried when he saw me when I finally came back, we connected a lot better, and just… Yeah, things have been good on that front. He is still cheering me on in his own way with the writing, and doing everything he can to make sure it stays a reality. At least, he tells me he is… And it feels like he is, so I am placing my faith in him. I want to do that, and I know that he wants me to too. I dunno though… I’ve been burned so much, and by so many people, that just trusting someone is hard. I know I took a vacation to kind of get my mind off all that, and by and large it did help, but… It didn’t solve everything. It just helped. So, I guess that’s that really… Not much else to say that I won’t just tweet about or can’t be asked about. Either way, gonna try and get a nap in here before working all day. I need to get stuff done. Ciao!

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