End Of An Era

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So… This year I am trying to mark as the end of an era of my life. I went to a lot of cons over the past couple years… Changed a lot, a lot for the better and a lot for the worse, and… Yeah, a lot is different with me. Going forward though, I want a lot less of the bad and a lot more of the good. I am working on it still… And I have been getting better. It’s not enough though, and I want to regain friends that I have lost as well as keep strengthening ties with new ones. Less cons is a HUGE part of this, and with MFF just a couple days away… This is kind of going to be my last hurrah. I will still go to cons, sure, but I am cutting several from my schedule. I can’t keep subjecting myself to the temptation to slip into what I am trying to leave, as well as the expense for drama, the time away from a job that is now far more rewarding both financially and in terms of getting me somewhere than before… I mean, there are literally no downsides to doing fewer cons, save for now seeing my friends as often. Even that is helped though, as it allows me to take trips to see them instead of only getting that con experience… Which, can be pretty damning at times. I know for a fact I am different at cons versus when I am just with someone alone… And that is painful to admit.

Anyways… Gonna be a short one, as there is so much that has happened that I don’t even really want to get into it. This is mostly to get my fingers moving across a keyboard again, as I have all but completely fallen off the writing wagon again. My hand is mostly healed, and I am starting to get my brain going again… It is mostly just that creative part of me that has gone dry though. I don’t know when it happened or why, but suddenly I feel utterly uninspired to do anything. I have tried forcing it before and that doesn’t end well, so I am just waiting it out and hoping for the best. I mean, sure, it won’t wind up the way I want it in the long run, but… I need to make sure I put things out that are worth putting out. I also need to get them done too, as people have been waiting far too long. So… I am kind of at an impasse. I will see where I go from here, but chances are I will just force myself to get some stuff done tomorrow instead of trying to keep putting it off. New month, less stressors, and yeah… Need to get back into writing again. I had it, and I lost it… I need it back.

Anyways… Money has been fucked. I had to buy a new car, our washing machine died, and a slew of other stuff… All before the most expensive con of the year. I mean, this is not something which I am remotely looking forward to solving in the slightest, but I am having to do it all by and large on my own. Res has been doing his best to keep me going, and that has been needed; I am not saying that he hasn’t been there for me. It is more that when it comes to these matters… I am the one with the experience and the know how to get it done. I have worked us through worse, so this I will weather just as before. I mean, I have to… I don’t have a choice in that matter. I need to keep this ship afloat and going on course… And well, I will only accomplish that if I keep my head going in the right direction, which gets me back to the beginning of all this. I dunno… It has been a long time coming, and I need to do it. I need to settle on down so that this doesn’t keep happening to me, and so that life can start to really be enjoyed, rather than slogged through.

Not much else past all that I guess… So… Ciao for now? More later?

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