Manic Lifetime

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With the car crash and the fallout from that, the fact that Res’ car is just gone at the moment because of a massive fuck up on the part of the dealership, both Res and I looking at improvements on the job front, and just the general life stresses of money and working and all of that… I can’t say that I have been okay whatsoever. I have been barely hanging on for dear life to my life, and that has just had me frazzled to no end. I have been trying to talk to people for some amount of levity and normality, but there just has been no reprieve. Last weekend I spent hours on the phone solving problems, I am working nigh constantly on life and at my job, and just… I am overwhelmed in the worst way right now. Res and I fighting lately hasn’t been helping matters either, but… I don’t even know where to start on this. There is just so much going on right now that I am too stressed to think.

Res and I haven’t been great these past couple weeks. The stress of the cars, life, bills, money… It has gotten to both of us; Res especially. It has been a lot of little stuff, a lot of him being incredibly selfish and just worried about himself, and a whole slew of other little problems between us both that have made us fight. It hasn’t been knock-down, drag-out, and we are managing to stay together, but… It just hasn’t been pleasant. It isn’t all his fault, of course, but a lot of it is. I have tried to be patient, and tried to just not bring everything that has been going on with me not into our lives; my problems should be mine after all. Having to manage 2 lives however is just too damn much… I can’t do it without some rest or some sort of way to just get all of the stress out of my system. I am not smoking anymore, and my drinking has gone down to next-to-none, so that… Yeah. All of my reliefs I had leaned on which were incredibly bad for me are gone. This is good for me and my health and everything, but… I need something else.

Anyways, Res and I are both looking to move up in our jobs. I got hired on permanently today, and Res interviewed for a permanent position at his company today as well. We are both hoping for the best for both of us, and with a raise coming for both of us… Well, things would be a lot less stressful on the financial front going forward if this all goes through. I am keeping my fingers crossed, and I know that I am all set; I am much more concerned about Res. I know he did well, and I know he is good at what he does, I am just worried that corporate politics or something else will sabotage him. I want the best for both of us, but ultimately I know I will be fine; he needs my worry on this front. Either way, things are improving there, and that is about the only area we are getting better.

Past all that… I have been writing a lot. I am on another 9-day streak as of today, and plan on keeping it going for a while. I have churned out a few commissions, and have a few more half-done. I am planning on keeping going, and editing on the weekends so that I have things to post. I have a lot of art to post too, so I need to get that all done. I mean, I hate going through and posting things, but at the same time I do have to do it since I create and I purchase; most of it I want to share after all. I am going to hold a story or two for myself I think, because I want to make sure I have content going forward, as well as stuff for if I decide to go the route I want ot with my writing. That is something for later though, as right now I need to just get caught up… I am trying to, and I am making headway at long last, it is just a matter of keeping my head down and just getting it done. I will, and I know I can. I have faith, and that is something with my craft that I haven’t in over a year.

So that is all that is going on, that I want to talk about at least. Other stuff is happening with friends, with the fandom up here, and just in life in general. I feel by and large ignored by the locals since… Well, I haven’t heard from anyone I used to see in Connecticut since I stopped going down there regularly. It sucks a lot, and I feel… Well, like I was never anything to a lot of the people down there. It hurts, and there are other things I won’t bring up, but I feel like I am just falling out of pretty much all of my friend groups locally. I know some of that is my fault from being by and large a ghost now that I am working a different shift and whatnot with money… But… I don’t know, I just don’t like that I am losing so many friends for just not being able to hang out. It sucks. But, either way, its life… What can I do about it? So ciao for now, more when I get to it!

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